Dear Annie: I have a daughter who I haven’t spoken to in nearly 20 years, but I still keep in touch with her father. My husband and I have been married for 40 years, and our relationship has been very difficult for me. I felt trapped in my marriage. Because I work as a classroom assistant, make about $20,000 a year, and all of our financial accounts are in our names. I wanted to break up with him, but I don’t have the courage to take the plunge.
My husband has continued to give our shared money to our daughter for years even though we don’t have much extra. He believes this will bring her back into our lives.
Unfortunately, this financial burden means we can no longer afford to buy a house and are stuck living in a two-bedroom apartment. I don’t understand why he won’t stop giving her money.
My daughter refuses to communicate with me and my husband refuses to discuss her at all. When I brought up her topic, he just shut up and said, “No.” We both still work full time. He is in his 70s and I am in my 60s.
This situation caused significant friction and damage in our marriage. I am so embarrassed to be away from my family and friends and have a hard time enduring the pain. — estranged
Dear Alienated Person: You are in a very difficult situation. I recommend going to marriage counseling and forcing yourself to have a frank discussion with your husband. It is unacceptable to have him say “no” when you want to raise the issue that your daughter is refusing to talk to you. He needs to support you with her.
Please send any questions about Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
